The Perfect South Beach Hideaway

© Andrea Barrack / RumBum.com

What could be better than a reasonably priced cold one? The company at Ted's Hideaway!

It’s 1 p.m. on a Tuesday, and you’re wandering South Beach for some beer, tunes, and sports on the tube, with no attitude. Just keep heading south, because nestled between Big Pink and Ocean Drive on 2nd Street lies Ted’s Hideaway, one of the last remaining dives in the land of art deco, neon lights, and $20 covers. “Ted’s dead,” says it’s current manager, Bob Mack, when asked about the bar's namesake, but this local beer, booze, and billiards joint is mighty alive and kickin’.

With pool tables, affordable drinks, plenty of seating, and not an ounce of attitude, Ted’s is the welcome deviation from the South Beach scene. The unassuming A-frame sign hugging the recognizable pink wall on 2nd St. marks the spot where you park your beach cruiser and march into the only South Beach bar that’s open from noon to 5 a.m. seven days a week.(Happy hour comprises about half of that.) The juke box in the corner plays anything your heart desires. Mack keeps six brands of beer on ice at all times. Domestic beers are $3-4, and imports are a dollar more. Well drinks run $4-5. If a tourist scoffs at those prices, Mack just sends them in the direction of Nikki Beach Club, a pricey frou-frou nightclub on the opposite end of the style spectrum. They’re not gone long.

The sweet and lovable Bob Mack, a talker, laugher, and “ultimate local” (also a native New Yorker who transplanted to the Beach 40 years ago) lives across the street from Ted’s Hideaway, and is known to bring a warm breakfast to his bartenders when they open. This morning it’s cinnamon rhubarb pancakes, and the waitress, Veronica, munches on them between serving her two customers. One of the two, Mike, is an old regular, who now drives all the way from West Palm at least once a month to have a beer at Ted’s. “My favorite memory of Ted’s,” he said, “is that I don’t remember at all!”

Sure, with prices where they are, it may be easier to get carried away, but Mack’s never needed a bouncer. “If anything happened here or anyone goes near one of my girls (bartenders), there would be eight guys on him like that,” he explained. This, he continued, is the bar where the cops tell people to go for the local experience. Cops go there themselves and same with bartenders; when their shift ends, they’re off to Ted’s for a beer. “Even when you’re alone, you don’t feel alone,” said Mack. Think of it as the Cheers Miami style.

Cops and bartenders aren’t the only ones who recommend Ted’s. “The Miami Herald writes us up every year as hurricane central… We stay open! How dumb is that!” he laughed. If he’s dumb, then so is his packed house of drinking buddies.